I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
