Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
