I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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