16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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