Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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