You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
