My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
