yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
