Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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