Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
