I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize