dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
