Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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