I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
