even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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