She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
