it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
