Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
