My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
