Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
