I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
