I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
