the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
