Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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