Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize