hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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