The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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