Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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