You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
