Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize