Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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