is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she smelled like a LAN party
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
