he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
