I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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