I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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