Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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