Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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