my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
