Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
