# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
