i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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