Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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