Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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