bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
