1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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