How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize