he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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