You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
