As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
