Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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