I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
