"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
