His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
