i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
