does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
