Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize