if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
