the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i came on her dog
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize