Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
