i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
