WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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