I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
