I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
