So drunk its hurt
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
