He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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