Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Text me some of your sweat
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
